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29-Nov-2020 00:39

A crisis quickly turns into a catastrophe; certainly in my head if not in my relationship as well.Everything on the surface appears fine and we’re playing ‘happy family’.I’d like to turn round your question (“can a trial separation help a marriage?”) and ask instead “will making your partner feel guilty and back down save your marriage?

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By this I mean understanding why this is so painful – probably something to do with your childhood – and learning alternative ways to cope with adversity (rather than sending off a desperate text). If you step back, you could encourage them to come forward.

Key idea for saving your marriage: Live in today, this moment, right now – rather than worrying about the past or trying to guess the future. So every time, you feel yourself unravelling focus back down on NOW.

Enjoy the view from your window, the cup of tea that you’re drinking or that moment of peace before the kids get back from school (rather than forever being one step ahead and not really registering now). I’ve been doing this job for almost thirty years and I reckon I’ve seen over two thousand clients and I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t have set backs.

Instead of letting everything coming to a head – with one person walking away out of frustration or being ‘thrown out’ – focus on talking through how this trial separation will work. Key idea for saving your marriage: Focus on improving your communication and listening skills because they become even more important when you’re not under the same roof.

Instead of looking for ways to persuade your partner he or she is wrong to need ‘space’, ask questions about how a separation might work. I sum this up as ‘I can ask, you can say no and we can negotiate’ When you’re in a hole, it’s a good idea to stop digging.Why has he or she put so much distance between you that someone else has been able to come between you?



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